Things that give us pause…

I haven’t posted here for so long that readers may have assumed I had quit. “Fearless” just couldn’t hack it!

I confess to being distracted since January. On April 1st after a 15 year battle with prostate cancer, my brother Steve died. I can just hear him chuckling over the ‘April Fools’ date.   I started to write about him the next day; but try as I might, for weeks on end, I just couldn’t do it…

Vreni's 'boots'

 Thanks to Vreni for her moving photo

Since the age of 13, I’ve written at the drop of a hat — it’s how I process life.   But since January, in a kind of suspended state, I have written nothing. Truth is I was avoiding my feelings.

One day over coffee with friends, a gentleman I barely knew casually asked how many siblings I had. It was the first time I’d had to answer that question and subtract Steve. It made me cry – which happened often in the first few months.

Now as the days and weeks pass, I am more able to have normal conversations – even speak passionately about an issue without it triggering tears. And now, a little something to post.    I trust more will come. Someday no doubt I’ll even be able to write about Steve. But not yet.

I paused for awhile; and life does go on.

This entry was posted in blogging, crying, grieving, loss and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Things that give us pause…

  1. Great writing keep up the good work

  2. Welcome back Pat!!! 🙂

  3. john zande says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your brother, but it is great to see you back.

  4. My condolences and best wishes.

  5. Thanks, friends! 🙂

  6. It is good to see you back. Take all the time you need.

  7. jacq says:

    Oh, I loved reading this post my friend. Pat, you’re so lovely. I want you to know that even in this short post, I felt more peaceful than I have felt in a while. Why, I don’t know. Maybe it was because I was reading something for the first time in a long time that I was personally invested in, a person I know writing about their feelings rather than just passing along an anecdote or a joke. Short though the post was, it was packed with thoughts to reflect on. It also touched me deeply to know that your brother’s name is Steve. I have a brother whose name is Steve. He’s a dear friend of mine. So, it was hard to digest your post without putting my brother in the mix.
    I look forward to reading more Pat. Love to you Pat, from Jacq and Eric!

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